


We built this house of memories

by Hamiloki



Category: Star Wars Legends: Jedi Apprentice Series - Jude Watson & Dave Wolverton, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst with a Happy Ending, Comfort, Coming of Age, Cuddling & Snuggling, Drunken Kissing, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi, Lightsaber Tournaments, Love Confessions, M/M, Memories, Mutual Pining, Nostalgia, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Post-Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, Qui-Gon Jinn Lives, Sickfic, Vacation, kind of, teenage crushes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:48:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29181273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hamiloki/pseuds/Hamiloki
Summary: "Yes, unpacking sounded like the smart choice, a simple, soothing task. His quarters would feel much homier once he had accomplished it as an added bonus."..Freshly knighted, Obi-Wan settles into his new accomodations. As he goes through his old possessions, he remembers his apprenticeship and the small moments with his Master he will never forget even though he knows Qui-Gon will never want Obi-Wan in the way Obi-Wan wants him.
Relationships: Qui-Gon Jinn/Obi-Wan Kenobi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30
Collections: QuiObi Secret Valentines 2021





	We built this house of memories

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Merfilly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merfilly/gifts).



> Hoooooo boy.
> 
> First of all: A happy Valentines Day! No matter if y'all celebrate it with a romantic time with your s/o, getting drunk or simply reading something that makes you happy, no matter if you spend this day like Han or not... Solo. (haha yes I'll punch myself for that pun.)
> 
> Aaaanyways, I hope my dear recipient likes their gift and takes as much joy out of reading this as I did out of writing. In the beginning I was kind of struggling to come up with something that fit your taste but once the first idea stuck, there was no holding me back. I hope you don't mind that I went a little angsty (BUT STILL FLUFFY) with this. I'm currently feeling kinda shitty and working on this pulled me out of that weird metal hole. I gave it a happy ending and I hope that pleases you.
> 
> Titel from "House of Memories" by Panic! at the Disco
> 
> All my Love and a Happy Valentines Day! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

For the first time in the last few weeks, Obi-Wan let himself relax. He let himself fall back on his new mattress, the bedding still stiff, never used before. So, this was it, life as a full Jedi knight. He finally had his own quarters, could do what he wanted without fearing a reprimand from his Master and soon he would be off on his first solo mission. His hand twitched upwards to nervously fiddle with his braid only to meet the empty space above his shoulder. Right, that was going to take some getting used to, something he was already missing.

Actually, a lot of things were on that particular list, things that had made him feel at home for the past twelve years of his life: His bed, softened by years of use, the plants covering every available surface, the smell of his Master’s favourite tea, Qui-Gon’s presence, large, warm and gentle, never far away when it hummed at the other end of their training bond. 

The silence inside after the connection had been cut, the day before in front of the council had been deafening, almost made him scream. He had barely kept his composure, taking deep breaths and focussing on the grounding ache of his knees after kneeling for the entirety of his knighting ceremony. 

Obi-Wan’s heart ached at the thought of his Master, of how he had almost lost him that fateful day on Naboo. The weeks of uncertainty that followed. It was only thanks to young Anakin that he hadn’t spent the entire time at Qui-Gon’s bedside both in the halls of healing and when he had finally been allowed to sleep in his own bed. The boy had needed all of his attention, what with how much he missed his mother, the nightmares brought on by being so far away from home and the struggle of settling into an unfamiliar environment. That had helped distracting Obi-Wan from the mess inside of his own head, his guilt that he hadn’t been fast enough to protect his Master from harm, his fear of being abandoned.

Swallowing heavily, he sat up. Qui-Gon was alive, they had made it out. That was all that mattered, and he would finally take the time to properly meditate and release his feelings into the force. He had neglected himself for far too long.

~*~*~*

Agitated, Obi-Wan slipped out of his meditative pose. He had tried to calm himself for the past two hours but couldn’t seem to shake the restlessness coursing through his system. What the blazes was wrong with him today?

As he stood up, his bones ached as if he had run a marathon instead of sitting on the floor for a considerable amount of time. Force, he was only 25 standard but felt like he was old enough to have known Master Yoda in his childhood days. Maybe making himself useful would stop his mind from racing and make him calm down enough to try again.

When had had moved out of his old quarters to make room for Anakin this morning, he had managed to fit all of his possessions into three small boxes for transport. He had wanted to carry them on his own but Qui-Gon had insisted on helping him with at least one, accompanying him through the temple to the housing reserved for junior knights before leaving him with a tight hug and a soft smile around the words “See you around.”.

Yes, unpacking sounded like the smart choice, a simple, soothing task. His quarters would feel much homier once he had accomplished it as an added bonus.

Reaching into the first box he pulled out a small metal plaque, barely as big as half his palm its silver coating brightly reflecting the afternoon sun. Carved into the hard material was an image of two lightsabers, crossed and emitting sparks where they touched as if locked in battle, underneath a date. The day of his first saber tournament as a Padawan.

_It had been barely three months since Qui-Gon had officially taken him on as his Apprentice and they had not yet gotten over the more than rocky start of their relationship._

_When Obi-Wan opened his eyes that, he was still confused for a small moment, the room not yet as familiar to him as his accommodations in the creche. Realising that he was indeed not there anymore and neither abandoned by the order, left to play farmer on Bandomeer but with a Master who ensured he would become a knight someday as he woke up was one of the best parts of each day since they had returned to Coruscant. For Obi-Wan, not even his Master’s withdrawn, careful attitude could put a dampener on that._

_Stretching, he tried to remember what classes were on his agenda today only shoot out of bed excitedly when he recalled that today was the day of the Great Contest. The tournament was held every twenty-five standard years to determine the best swordsman among Padawans, Knights and Masters alike. And as he had become a Padawan just in time to participate!_

_Realistically, he knew that he wouldn’t stand a chance against most of the other Padawans he would face down, them being much more experienced but just being part of such a big event would be more than enough for him._

_Breakfast passed in a flurry of his Master reminding him to actually eat instead of bouncing around in his chair, the older man less excited about the whole ordeal. His Master planned on fighting a few rounds but was not particularly eager for a victory and more interested in observing the other Masters and learning from their fighting styles._

_He didn’t remember much of the tournament, the crash of the training sabers, bodies skipping and flying through the many dojos and the cheers of the others blurring into one mass of visual and sound and feelings pulsing through the force as many victories and losses were made. That is until his last fight. Never in the world had he expected to get this far but here he was, facing down senior Padawan Antarez in the tournament’s finale. How he had managed getting so far, he really wasn’t sure, it felt almost miraculous._

_At the signal, the nautolan girl and he jumped at each other, sabers crashing into each other, their motions so fast the blades crated a hazy blur of azure around them. Obi-Wan could feel himself getting sloppier by the minute, exhausted from a day of fighting. His limbs ached and the strokes of his weapons gradually lost their strength._

_It happened in less than a second, one blink of his eyelids and he was on the flood, disarmed and raising his hands in surrender, yielding to the older Jedi. Instantly, frustration shot through his veins. He had come so far and now he failed? He had been only one battle away from victory and he had let himself be defeated. He almost snarled when Padawan Antarez smiled and held out her hand for him to himself to his feet. He should have paid more attention, should have been faster, stronger, should have been better. But as always, the only thing he managed was to make fool of himself, to disappoint. Himself, his friends, his Master…_

_At that thought his eyes snapped into the crowd, looking at Qui-Gon who watched him with… The amount of warmth that he had never before seen. It was neither pity nor pride but something other, reassuring and certain, as if he knew what Obi-Wan was thinking and that he was sure he would surely be proud of what he would do next. And something in Obi-Wan’s heart relaxed, the knots in his stomach unfurling, his Master’s soft smile putting out the hot flames of rage blazing inside of Obi-Wan. Taking a deep breath, he looked back at the other Padawan and instead of snapping at her, he took the offered hand to stand and bowed low to her in respect, congratulating her on her well-earned victory._

_After being awarded with his trophy for second place and most spectating Jedi had cleared from the salles, Obi-Wan shuffled over to his Master, head bowed. Before he could even attempt to speak and apologise for his failure, Qui-Gon gently placed a hand on his shoulder. “I know what you want to say, Padawan, and no, I am in no way, shape or form. In fact, you have made me very proud today.”_

_Obi-Wan’s eyes widened and he looked up with an audible gasp. Never before had his Master directly admitted to him that he was pleased with Obi-Wan’s actions. Sure, the occasional “Good job.” and “Well done.” Had been quietly muttered but this? He might have been able to convince himself that this was an elaborate dream, were it not for the deep ache in his muscles from the day’s exertion. But his Master wasn’t done, stalling Obi-Wan’s rapid-fire thoughts as he continued. “Not only have you accomplished to rise much higher up this competition’s ranks than what anyone would have expected from a Padawan of your years but more importantly, in the face of defeat you showed respect to your opponent and stood above your personal frustration. And that makes me truly, greatly proud of having you as my apprentice.”_

Obi-Wan’s face broke into a small smile at the memory, now such a long time ago. He didn’t like to admit it to himself, but he had needed that praise very much at the time when he felt so confused, alone although he had finally found his teacher. 

He continued to rummage through the boxes on his desk, placing trinkets, books and plants around the shelves, the coffee table and nightstand, regarding them all with varying attention. 

A succulent received a special place, right by the window. Qui-Gon had gotten it for him on his fifteenth birthday, teasing him when he groaned aloud at another piece of greenery added to their apartment. That the plant was still alive after ten long years was something, he prided himself with greatly, both with the frequent and long missions taking him off planet and his total lack of gardening skill. Unlike Qui-Gon, he thought with a sigh. The older man had always been much more connected to everything living than he had, a quality which Obi-Wan admired greatly though he would never admit it. As much as he joked about it, when his Master took the time to take care of any lifeform that may need him made Obi-Wan’s stomach flutter and his cheeks flush every single time.

That he felt more for Qui-Gon than he should, he had realised a long time ago. The memory was agonizingly clear within his head.

_Obi-Wan sneezed so violently that his entire lanky frame almost slid off the couch. He pulled his cocoon of blankets tighter around himself, sniffling pitifully. For the last week and a half, he hadn’t even been able to leave his bed, the Virus he had contracted while standing in as official witnesses of a royal wedding alongside his Master forcing the seventeen-year-old to do nothing but sleep, sip water or broth and sleep some more. Now, he had finally managed to hobble over to the sofa and even hold the cup of tea his Master had handed to him before leaving to fetch some more boxes of tissues from the quartermaster. Obi-Wan wrapped his hands tightly around the warmth, desperately trying to stop the constant shivering of his body. He was in desperate need of a distraction, he decided._

_Summoning his favourite book from its place in the living room shelf took an embarrassing amount of energy in Obi-Wan’s eyes but focussing was just so hard when the room started spinning if you moved just a fraction too quick._

_Obi-Wan was pretty sure that last time he had checked, this book had been filled with Alderaani poetry but now it seemed like the words printed on the page of flimsi were a nonsensical fantasy language. Squinting he tried to read again only for the letter to dance in front of his eyes, making him even more dizzy than he already felt. Pain sharply shot through his head, burning bright for a moment before fading into a dull ache under his scalp. Breathing deeply, he closed his eyes and leaned back, unable to stop the soft groan in the back of his throat. Slowly, the pain and nausea ebbed away and Obi-Wan carefully dared to open his eyes. The book in his lap was gone. Instead, it was in a big hand, his Master’s to be quite precise._

_“Hello… Master…” he croaked, his voice scratchy and raw. “And hello to you, too, Padawan mine. I see you tried to entertain yourself?” Qui-Gon answered as he sat down across from Obi-Wan in a large armchair. At his Padawan’s nod, he gave the book in his hands a considering glance before opening it and looking questioningly at the younger man. “Would you like me to read to you? Maybe that can cheer you up a little while not straining you too much.”_

_At first, Obi-Wan felt a little pathetic as he contemplated the offer. He should be able to manage such a menial task like reading on his own, he was not a blasted child for force’s sake. But then, listening to his Master’s low, steady voice as he recites the gentle words of poets in rapture of the great forces of the universe sounded like something straight from his dreams. So, he nodded again, adding quietly “That would be very lovely, Master”._

_As Qui-Gon began to read, Obi-Wan shuffled around the couch into a more comfortable position and curling up further into the blankets. Slowly, he felt himself relax, the older man’s voice lulling him into a half-conscious, floating state of mind, it’s low and slightly rough sound warming him from the inside out, better than any cup of hot tea ever could. He could almost taste it, like molten chocolate and settling off butterflies in his stomach, tender heat spreading from his chest all the way through his body. If Obi-Wan could, he would stay like this forever, listening and never, ever leaving his Master’s presence._

_A happy sigh escaped Obi-Wan and the older man’s eyes flickered over to him for the barest fraction of a second before he read on as if he had never looked away. How was it humanly possible to have such radiant blue eyes, Obi-Wan thought. They seemed so emit a light of their own but always gentle when they focused on the Padawan, like he was some precious treasure._

_That’s when Obi-Wan knew. He did have the odd little crush before, on other Padawans or a pretty Senator’s daughter, but never before had he felt himself fall so hard and so sudden, the realisation almost taking his breath away. He was totally, absolutely, madly in love with his Master, he was in love with Qui-Gon Jinn._

And he still is, Obi-Wan thought as he stroked one hand over the worn spine of that very same book before laying it down on his bed, to read before he went to bed that night. But just as much as he knew he was in love did he know that he would never have what he most desired. Qui-Gon would never feel the same way for him, no matter how much time passed. And even if he did, he was way too good of a man to even contemplate whether he should act on his feelings. Obi-Wan had seen proof of that already, on the evening of his eighteenth birthday.

_The Corellian brandy was one of the most expensive brands in the galaxy and Obi-Wan gasped aloud, his mouth hanging open as he unwrapped the bottle. “I… Thank you, Master! You shouldn’t have… How many blazing credits did you save for this?”_

_“Most Padawans want to get a taste of what it’s like to be of age on the evening of their birthday. I though this would spare you the sleezy bars and terrible drinks you get down there. Only the best for such a unique experience.” The older man grinned at his stunned apprentice. “Of course, I will not stop you, if you do decide to go out with your friends.”_

_And out did they go, Bant and Garen dragging him out of the temple district and into the bright neon lights of Coruscant’s nightclubs, spending a few hours dancing and basking in the atmosphere of large glittering crowds, all out to have a good time, before returning back home._

_As they sat down around Bant’s table for a few rounds of sabbac, his head was only slightly swimming, a pleasant buzz in his limbs from the alcohol they had already consumed so he accepted the glass thrust at him, finally giving his Master’s gift to him a try. His first swallow tasted like nothing but fire, burning all the way down his throat down into his stomach. On the next one, the sharp sting of the alcohol was accompanied by a pleasant, syrupy sweetness that almost seemed flowery, making Obi-Wan want more of the now pleasant, liquid warmth._

_By the time, the three of them had emptied the bottle, Obi-Wan’s vision was fuzzy around the edges and standing took a lot of his concentration. He was luck he lived only a few apartments down the hall, he supposed, as his friends accompanied him home, seemingly a lot steadier on their feet._

_The door shut quietly behind him and he swayed slightly in place for a second and blinked before he spotted his Master, who greeted him warmly, putting down the datapad he had been looking at before Obi-Wan had entered. The Padawan hummed in greeting, his thoughts already very insistent on running a spontaneous marathon regarding the question what he should do now. Qui-Gon looked absolutely edible like this, his hair done up in a messy but just to get it out of the way, sleep clothes clinging tightly to his broad frame. Hmmm, yes, that’s just what he needed right now. And hadn’t Bant told him just about an hour ago that he should finally go for it? Yep, that was definitely the best idea any sentient had ever had since the invention of alcohol._

_Wordlessly, he crossed the room, in a surprisingly straight line nonetheless, a slightly lopsided grin on his face. “Goooood evening Master…” he hummed, leaning down before kissing his Master, slightly sloppy and off target but with enthusiasm that barely any kiss could match._

_In front of him, Qui-Gon froze before gently pushing at his shoulders. “You… should sleep, Padawan.” His voice sounded unsteady, trembling with something Obi-Wan couldn’t quite place. Kriff. This had been a mistake._

And Obi-Wan had paid for that mistake the next morning with an appropriately sized headache. He winced slightly at the phantom of the hangover coming back to him for a second. 

The empty bottle, now filled with a small string of lights, still sat in one of the boxes, silently reminding him of that one sweet moment of bliss, when their mouths had met. It might not have been the most romantic kiss, or well executed in any way but it was as close as he would get to his heart’s desire than he would ever get. He sat it down on the nightstand, switching the lights within the bottle on with a wave of his hand, unable to suppress the little sad smile tugging at his lips at their merry twinkle. 

Small moments were what he had been clinging to for the past few years, fleeting impressions of what could be. Be it the two of them huddled closely together for warmth, their shuttle broken down on an ice planet or fleeting glances Obi-Wan had caught his Master shooting him that could have been something more than the pride at a job well done that the young man knew they were. He was lucky if he was honest with himself. His Master was the kindest man Obi-Wan knew and only being in his presence made Obi-Wan happier than he ever imagined. Even if they would never be lovers, he could be satisfied, he mused as he continued unpacking.

His quarters were beginning to look much more like a place he could live, shelves no longer empty but still plenty of room for things he would pick up in his hopefully long time as a knight and later Master. The walls were finally less clinical, the monochrome wallpaper hidden behind a few printed photographs and other decorations. 

The final addition to his walls was a colourful banner bearing the insignia of the republic. He had bought it four years ago on Republic Day from a sweet older Togruta woman, drawn in by her beautiful craftsmanship. The colours she had used almost seemed to shine on their own instead of reflecting the light of his room’s lamps, the fine brush strokes of the hand painted logo blending into each other with an incredible perfection. He had carried it with him the entire day as his Master took him to see some of the many parades around the city and later as they sat in their usual booth at Dex’s Diner. One image had stuck with Obi-Wan ever since, how Qui-Gon had smirked at him around the straw of his milkshake, amused at some remark of Obi-Wan’s, confetti from the celebration outside still stuck in his long hair. It always came back to the young knight when he looked at the banner, his heart so suddenly full of joy. It definitely deserved its place above his bed.

With a slight start, Obi-Wan realised he had already reached the last of his belongings not yet unpacked. It was a large seashell tinted a soft pastel purple fading into midnight blue towards its centre. It had been the most beautiful on all of the beaches of Corellia where he had found it two years ago.

_Their mission had gone incredibly well. So well, in fact, that the council granted them a few days of rest and relaxation while still on planet instead of calling them back to Coruscant immediately and they had taken that offer gladly after six missions of varying length back-to-back._

_The dispute among two major silk traders they had negotiated had taken them to a city by the seaside with lots of tourist traffic and thus, finding accommodations had been a fairly easy thing on such short notice. They had ended up with a small cottage by the beach, slightly isolated from the main housing areas but still close enough to the city to enable sightseeing tours and the like._

_On the first two days they had done just that, enjoying their surroundings like your average citizen on vacation, visiting famous places and strolling through small shopping alleys. Now, their departure scheduled for the next morning, they had decided to stay at the beach, going for a swim or two and simply relax, enjoying the warmth and sun._

_As Obi-Wan walked through the shallow waters, the whipping but still warm wind making his braid dance through the air, he stumbled upon the elevated bank of sand scattered with colourful seashells, all of them prettier than any other he had ever seen. He knelt down, tracing his fingers across the wet shells and picking them up to examine each in the orange glow of the setting sun, checking whether they were empty or still housed some sorts of small creatures. One particular shell seemed to call to him, its colours standing out among the others even though it was in no way the only one of its hue. He picked it up and the force hummed softly to him. As he stood up and straightened, he was looking into soft blue eyes, his Master asking him what he had found so far out here._

_They walked together on the way back, the seashell clutched in Obi-Wan’s hand, the sun sinking even further down the horizon, making him shiver slightly. He had gone out only in a short sleeve undertunic and leggings, the day’s temperatures just hot enough to be outside without being too stuffy. Qui-Gon turned his head, looking at his with concern and offering Obi-Wan his robe. The Padawan swam in the large garment still faintly carrying his Master’s body heat but the warmth it brought him was comfortable and made him feel safe._

_The two Jedi settled on a soft bench on the cottage’s porch, Qui-Gon igniting the wood in the fire pit at its centre. Watching the sun fully disappear beyond the horizon, Obi-Wan leaned back against the older man’s side, barely able to keep his eyes open. Tomorrow they would go back home, back to their every day lives but tonight, so far away from their responsibilities, he could do this, snuggle up to his Master and just fall asleep safe and happy._

_He wasn’t sure if he imagined it or not but as the syrupy, warm darkness of sleep pulled him under he could almost feel a soft kiss being press onto his forehead._

The final item had found a spot, he was done, this was now truly his home for as long as he stayed on planet. During the times he would have a chance to still be somewhat close to his former Master even if he were no longer Qui-Gon’s first priority. Really, he shouldn’t take it personally, after all he had just been one Padawan among several, the third of four, in no way special. His Master value him in the same way he did Feemor or Xanatos. And Anakin… Who was he next to the chosen one?

He knew he should release the frustration bubbling up his throat like hot acid into the force, close his eyes, take a deep breath and just forget. And he would for the rest of his life but not now. For once, he would allow himself to feel the anger coursing through his system at being shoved aside for someone new, at never having been wanted in the first place at never being loved back in the way he loved his former Master. And these cardboard boxes surely wouldn’t mind being put to a second use in being the victim of his feelings. One after another they were torn into shreds and disposed of so that Obi-Wan almost the envelope of dark flimsi as it fluttered towards the ground.

Blinking slightly confused, Obi-Wan picked it up. The paper was heavy and thick, the back tucked neatly together. He didn’t remember ever keeping any sort of letter or even having seen it as he, assisted by Qui-Gon and Anakin had packed the boxes. But his name was clearly spelled out on the envelope’s front.

Sitting down on the bed he opened it, pulling out a page scribbled full of words in a familiar hand. Though it was much tidier that usual it was clearly Qui-Gon’s normally messy writing covering the flimsi from top to bottom. Whatever this was, it had to be important to his former Master. Hesitantly, the young knight started to read.

>   
> My dearest Obi-Wan,  
> I have never been prouder in my whole life than I am in this very moment. Although I was so hesitant to take you on as my apprentice, I did not regret it for a single moment during these last twelve years. You have been an exceptional student, more than I could have ever dreamed of. 
> 
> You might not believe me when I tell you that it was one of the hardest decisions, I have ever made was to let you go and become a knight, not because I doubted your ability to stand for yourself but because some part of me had wanted to keep you around for as long as humanly possible. In all honesty, I should have submitted you for the trials years ago, but my selfishness held me back. 
> 
> I have never been happier than in your company, especially in recent years. You have become an extraordinary man, incredibly skilled in the force and much more charming than you probably realise. Simply seeing you brings a smile to my face and even the simplest of conversations become so much more enticing when held with you.
> 
> I am not sure how you will react to what I am about to confess to you and if you want to keep your distance afterwards, I truly, deeply understand you. I have waited to tell you until now because I wanted you under no obligation to give me an answer or worse, feel as if you had to agree to something you did not want.
> 
> I don’t remember when it started but I have a strong suspicion it was the night of your birthday, seven years ago. I believe you were on a dare from one of your friends when you kissed me that night and I doubt you can recall much of that evening. I put you to bed after pushing you away, but I couldn’t get it out of my head. You were no longer the boy I once knew but rather young man. I tried to deny for the next two years that I felt any sort of attraction or that if I did, it would fade over time. It did not, however and I decided that it would be the best to just live with it.
> 
> The truth is, I have fallen more in love with you each and every day since I realised my feelings. I am aware that you probably do not return the sentiment. After all, you probably have people much more deserving of your attention. 
> 
> I also know that my decision to put you up for the trials and take young Anakin on has hurt you, made you believe that I would just abandon you. I would like to apologise to you for that. As I said, I should have let you go a long time ago but kept you close to me for nothing but my personal gain. You have been an exceptional Padawan, a model for generations and I hold you in the highest regards.
> 
> I am proud of you. I have told you that not nearly enough through your apprenticeship and you deserved to hear it as often as possible. Ever since Naboo this thought has plagued me, that I could have left this world without making it clear to you that I thought so highly of you, that I was proud of you. You deserve everything good in this world and someone who truly believes in you, that doesn’t fear telling you so and I have failed in that regard. I have made you feel unwanted and if I had died that die, that would have been my greatest regret.
> 
> But I am still here and beg for your forgiveness for all I have done, what I have said to you, what I did not say. And most of all I hope that you forgive an old man his affections. 
> 
> But its up to you. I do not expect you to blindly forgive and forget. If you decide that I my actions are not something you can accept, I will understand and leave you to your future undisturbed. However, I sincerely hope that you can allow me to stay in your life in whatever way you see fit. Whatever you decide, I will comply.
> 
> You’re free now, dear and I pray you will be happy.
> 
> Qui-Gon  
> 

With a heavy swallow, Obi-Wan wiped away the tears that had ran down his cheeks as he read the letter. His hands were shaking, clutching the flimsi closely to his chest. He must be dreaming, right? What he had just read must have been a figment of his tired imagination. But the paper cutting into his palms from his too tight grip on it proved him wrong. The letter was right there, in his hands, the ink slightly blurred in the places his tears had hit it while he read it again. This was real. And he had to see Qui-Gon. Now.

Obi-Wan dashed trough his door, wiping at his eyes once again with his sleeve as to not draw too much attention to himself as he ran towards his former master’s quarters. His passcode still opened the doors there and he didn’t even wait for them to open fully before he stumbled through them into the living room.

“Obi-Wan. Did you forget someth-” Qui-Gon began, closing the door to Anakin’s – formerly Obi-Wan’s room after putting the boy to sleep. Before he could even finish the sentence, the younger Jedi threw himself at Qui-Gon, pulling them tightly together, sniffling softly into the larger man’s chest. Slightly helpless, the older Jedi wrapped his arms around the mess of his former Padawan.

“I read the letter.” Obi-Wan choked out quietly, between heavy breaths. “I read it and… Do you really mean it?” Qui-Gon hesitated a bit before answering. “I mean it, yes. And if I upset you even more, I apologise.”

“No, no, Master. I just. I thought I was alone, that you didn’t want me and that I was being a bad Padawan for wanting you as more than just a teacher. I thought you’d never want me back. But you do and I… Now I don’t know what to say, what to do to convince you of how long I have loved, of the fact that I meant it every second of every day because you’ll think I’m only telling you this because I want to please you which is not true because I really mean it too.”

Qui-Gon looked a bit stunned at the jumble of words tumbling out of his former Padawan’s mouth, trying to process their meaning. But the confusion quickly shifted into a bright spark of joy as Obi-Wan kissed him, this time without missing and this time he didn’t push the other man away.

**Author's Note:**

> Obi-Wan keeps his quaters because they need a place to shag in peace. Not sorrry. xD


End file.
